Diary Of A Working (And Homeless) Man

"Yes, but doesn't the bible also say "Thou shall not take... moochers into thy... hut?"
- Homer Simpson

Day 42. Unfortunately, still not really anything exciting to share, I've just been working a lot. I haven't taken one worthy photograph since I've been back here and did nothing even for the 4th of July yesterday, apart from paint stairs. All in a bid to gather a decent amount of money together so I can begin living the dream.

For about ten days I had been crashing at Beefy's house. Didn't see much of the man, who is certainly one living the dream, while I was there to be honest. The most I probably talked to him during the stay was in the early hours one night when he came home twisted and barged into the room I was in looking for the 4am chat. The O'Keefe family is visiting NY though so I had to make way. Temporarily back in Jenn's place now (I can tell how deeeeelighted she is to have me back mooching on her couch).

I was off work one day last week so I thought I'd indulge myself with a trip to the cinema in Times Square. I watched Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, starring Steve Carell and Keira Knightley, which had strongly appealed to me through its previews. I could have done with seeking a friend who'd go see it with me because I was lone wolf on this one. Every time I'm about to watch something with Steve Carell in it, I have to remember not to expect Michael Scott. I do forget Carell's actually a decent and versatile actor. The movie wasn't bad,  it makes you think a lot I guess, about how our lives could end at any point so it's best to not have regrets, you know the deal! I'm not a fan of Knightley though, despite it being the perfect type of role for her for me to become one. I don't even find her that attractive... but maybe I'm just gay. Cinema is expensive here I tell you, couldn't even buy myself popcorn to get through the loneliness, or I would have been living on bread for the week. Not that I'm living on much more than that.

Work is coming along smoothly thankfully. Some days are fine, you do some moderate labour and it passes the time. Other days, however, are so boring it's actually hard work to even look busy. But, as always, I don't want to complain too much.
What I love about the place is my fellow workers. Each job I've had here in America I've been lucky enough to meet some unique characters. And this one is no different. Just a little description of the pick of the bunch......

Rocky - Probably my favourite guy in there. He does the door but mostly the porter work with me. Albanian, who lived in Italy before moving here with his family. He actually hates this country and you can just tell he's counting down the days until he makes enough money to move back to Europe. He totally doesn't give a fuck either but has my back and hates to see me working too hard, even when I'm really only doing the bare minimum. There's a gym in the basement and Rocky does tell me if ever I want to kill a half hour while looking productive, go in there with spray and a cloth and clean down all the machines and mirrors. One day I did just that, with about as much passion and interest as Justin Bieber has when he attends Lakers' games. Rocky walked by, stuck his head in the door, saw what I was doing and gave me a wink of the eye, nod of the head and thumbs up all at the same time, as if to say "good job". And every time I finish one duty and ask him what to do next, he always responds with "take a break". "Alright Rocky, I've finished break what will I do now?" "Take rest now". I don't know whether to love or hate it because sometimes I want to make myself useful in there. Good guy though.

Sammie - A handyman so he's kind of in charge when the boss isn't around. You actually have to look busy in front of him but he can be a total comic also. He's from Guyana in South America so speaks with a funny Caribbean/West Indies accent. He has such a foul mouth, it's hilarious. In his late 40s/early 50s I'd say but I've never met a man who talks more about the pussy. Young pussy, fat pussy, tight pussy, fuck this, fuck that, motherfuckers, the vulgarity goes on and on, it's very amusing I must say. He can be good for the stories too. One day he was telling me that Guyana had quite a decent football team about 25 years ago and went to play USA in the States. He said that the whole team boarded the plane over and just never returned after the game. They were never found or heard of again. Essentially they just all got entry into the United States and decided to stay here rather than return to Guyana, the players, the manager, the whole staff. I don't even want to look the story up because I'm just going to believe it's true as I laughed about it for that whole day.

Larry - My description couldn't really do him justice but he's one of those people I'm glad to have met. He's the big old guy with the mostly bald head and grey mustache. Very quick witted, bright and humorous and says "sir" at the end of every sentence, even when talking to me. Again, likes the occasional profanity but a good good man. He has great stories about the old days.

Then there's a few other dudes like Rachid the Moroccan, Nick the Italian-American old timer, Horatio from Argentina, Ray born and raised in Hell's Kitchen, Stephen the big guy from Yonkers etc. All a lot older than me but assembling a good friendship with each. There's another temporary Irish student named Mike, he's not a bad skin either. The boss, John, or Mr. Faldetta, seems like a nice man too. I never really see him though. He's been gone on golfing trips, quite a bit, with his 17 year old daughter, who's potentially a future star, at least in his eyes.

There's this really hot blonde girl around my age that lives in one of the two-storey apartments. She came downstairs one night to the front desk and was talking to Larry. I was there and Jesus I couldn't take my eyes off her but she gave me a brisk look which kind of said "Who are you? And why are you staring at me?". I asked Stephen about her the next day and he told me to forget about it she only likes attractive guys with a lot of cash. I didn't really fancy my chances Steve, I was just curious! But thanks for the confidence boost. He's right though. For starters she's very good looking which normally doesn't help my case. Then there's the small matter of her being a "Jewish American Princess", which is how Larry described her to me, and I'm vacuuming her floors and taking out her garbage. Yeah, don't think I'm going to get far there. I might find the balls to try talk to her sometime though, we'll see.

I met Anne Hathaway's parents last weekend. They live in the building and I brought their luggage up to their apartment for them upon their return from LA, where they attended the premiere of The Dark Knight Rises, which Anne stars in as Catwoman. They seem like nice people and her father gave me a very welcomed tip for my efforts. Jesus I nearly took his hand off when I saw the moolah! I wish I could have had something nice to say to them about one their daughter's previous films. I think the only one I've seen is Love And Other Drugs and it might have been awkward enough bringing that one up, considering Anne is more or less naked and having the S-E-X the entire movie. So I kept quiet and pretended I didn't know who they actually were.

In other non eventful news I got stung into joining the staff lottery crew. Rachid and Nick practically dragged me into it thinking I'd bring the "Luck of the Irish". Which I definitely won't. The guys do the lottery every week and if one actually wins they split the money. They've been doing it for like 15 years and haven't won a cent yet. It's nine dollars a month, nine dollars which I was reluctant to hand over as that could have bought me two sandwiches for lunch! But I gave in. I could only imagine if we won. All the guys said they would quit straight away, which would be funny because the boss would have to find an entire new group of doormen, handymen and porters. Rachid and Sammie were complaining about how the pay isn't great there and that they would have no hesitancy handing in their resignation if they won millions. Sammie's own grievances were summed up in this sentence - "I can't even buy my wife the Victoria Secret panties man, I have to buy her the cheap fucking panties". Honestly I would love to be able to write down everything he says!

I don't know what I'd do if I won the lottery. I'd give a fair percentage of it to my family, then with the rest travel around the world or take ten of my closest friends with me on a trip somewhere. I'm not materialistic at all anymore so I wouldn't buy much with it to be honest, just spend it on adventures and stuff. But no point even dreaming about it really.

Anyway that's it for now. Hopefully next entry I'll have some exciting tales and a proper place to live before Jennifer strangles me!

PK